A DREAM COME ALIVE - PT I SURPRISED 3

CHAPTER 3

TEARS: THE FLOODGATES OPENED.

No sound mind you. Just tears. A trickle at first, and then a torrent down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them, and come they did. 

I was, I was sure, beginning to resemble Niagara Falls 
withOUT the picturesque souvenir shops. 
So colorful in their mercenary greed, 
and did I mention TASTELESS.
ALMOST AS TASTELESS AS GRACELAND,
and not as musical. Nope. NO RECORDED ELVIS
belting LOVE MY FENDER or something.

This dude FROM HEAVEN, looked at me as I 
RIGHT THEN AND THERE.. 
wished the earth would open and swallow me, or him...
or.

He smiled.

Good God is he DAFT?
RUN WHILE YOU CA..
wait..no. PLEASE don't.
Oh God.

HOW is it possible I ask to feel MORE ALIVE
than YOU EVER have, while knowing you have been DEAD 
for several minutes/hours/weeks/m....

He leaned further into me and I felt his soft lush sensual 'sent from heaven' lips graze my ear. 
EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING tingled. 
Tinkled. Something.

He whispered with his soft SO SEXY breath into my ear...

"Don't worry mate. Everything is good, dear."

GOOD? DEAR? GOOD GOD...
Yes, that cinches it.
I AM DEAD...and that is the voice of GOD, 
I am sure of it. MY GOD any way.

The softly tender yet firm and strong voice even in a whisper just blew my mind. That was too when I first noticed the Afghan accent and now for the first time since this whole episode began I KNEW. I FUCKING KNEW...THIS WAS INDEED HIM. REALLY HIM. HE. The dude I had loved from afar for MONTHS..but I had not DARED to believe it was really him. But now? I knew it was.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

But how in the hell? 

I suddenly came to. HOW? HOW CAN IT BE? 
HOW?WHY?

I of course had no answers and I knew I wanted to know. I also knew I was TERRIFIED. Scared to death. Could it be? I could come THIS CLOSE to perfection? To happiness? Only to watch it slip away again? 

Convinced I was that when he had finished his mop-up, 
he would then...
turn and then just walk away?

WOULD I HAVE TO STAND AND WATCH HIS RECEDING BACK...MOVING ON, PAST THE PLACE WHERE HE WOULD NOT ALLOW ME TO FOLLOW ANY FURTHER?

WHAT NOW?

I had loved him so fucking hard for SO LONG it seemed. I had worshipped him. Longed for him. Adored him, this Afghan God. This incredible creature who had a hold on me like no one EVER had before somehow. Maybe I would never understand that. NEITHER of us ever would.

I loved him, true. Inexplicably, but yes. I had sat for so long...night after night, looking at his pics on Facebook, wanting him. Yearning for him. NEEDING him. 
Trying to reach out to him, but...

For maybe a year I had ached to know what his touch would feel like. His kiss, his embrace. His lips. What did they feel like? His fingertips caressing my cheek, my neck, outlining my ears. What would that be like? I MEAN. 

I would tell myself.

YOU ARE PATHETIC YOU KNOW.

YEH, YOU ARE SO FUCKING PATHETIC, 
YOU STUPID SHIT HEAD. GEEZ!
What is WRONG with you.
NO SANE PERS...

Ahh...but that was the secret of course.
I was NOT sane.
I was in love. 
NOBODY IN LOVE IS EVER SANE.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT...

Doofus
I would tell myself 
OVER AND OVER AND OVER...
YET...

something or someone. 
Wouldn't or couldn't let go.
Let HIM go.

Did I know instinctively that one day, this day, would come?

God I don't know. That is SO above my paygrade.

ALL I KNEW IS I LOVED HIM. PERIOD.
All part of the insanity. ALL part of the NUTSO
BULLSHIT TAKE YOUR SANENESS AND SHOVE IT UP...

I AM IN LOVE, YOU HEAR ME...
NOBODY GETS PAST THE SANITY POLICE. They
stick a needle up your butt as a portent of wonders to come 
I am sure. AND...

I had wanted desperately for so long to know what he sounded like, his voice. I thought I knew. Honest I did. I could hear him in my mind and his voice would make me...uh...uh...

But then I was always afraid to reach out to him and 
even when I did...nothing. No response from him. 
Which FUCKING HURT LIKE HELL, 
and still I loved him.

WHY? I didn't know. 
I assumed he just wasn't interested in me...
even though he didn't even know me.

See, I NEVER WANTED TO HEAR...
"I am flattered of course, but," 
and I had known I would have just burst into tears 
like some RIDICULOUS 14yo schoolgirl with a fucking CRUSH...I mean GEEZ.

I would have died for REAL.
BUT NOW?

But NOW? NOW? He was standing here with me, 
mopping my fevered brow so lovingly, smiling at me 
and assuring me it was ok. He was ok. I was ok. 
WE WERE OKAY.

UH...we ARE?

How? Why? OMG. HOW?

How did he get all the way from Kabul Afghanistan to Kalamazoo Michigan. I imagined THAT was quite the little story, but I had no clue and no voice to ask. I just stood there mute and dead...as he wiped the sweat commingled 
with my tears, off my face.

Oh I imagine I was just SO cutesie...
and scared to death, 
for in reality he was everything 
I had hoped he would be and more. 
BEAUTIFUL.

I BET HIS SKIN SQUEAKS, like a counter after it has been scrubbed. I know if I touched it I would squeak, squeal, melt like butter on a hot day...and there goes that fucking counter. PISS ON IT...where is that cleaning lady.

God I am groping for the words. Some writer I am, but...

HANDSOME. YEH YEH YEH.  HOT DAMN HOLY HOTCAKES JUMPING JEHOSAPHAT GOOEY GOOD handsome.

Oh I suppose not handsome in the traditional sense, certainly not by American standards, but to me? AWESOME. He was and always had been just so fucking AWESOME, and everything I wanted. I knew it was RIDICULOUS to think 
that I would EVER have a chance with this GOD 
from Afghanistan...even if we were ever to find ourselves together in the same place, same time...
yet here we were and yeah, I knew. 
I had ALWAYS known. 

Most of my friends would see him and wonder 
what in the hell I might be thinking. 
What was I doing with this camel jockey?
BMW Camel Jockey thank you very much 
and I bet he can hump like a son-of-a-bitch.

FUCK. They wouldn't see his beauty but I always had. 
They would't see his incredible gentle

tender strength and I could.

They might NEVER see in him what I could so easily, 
but WHO THE FUCK CARES.

But what now?

I can't stand here doing my free-flowing river imitation 
forever and then what?

OH MY GOD...PLEASE DON'T LET HIM GO. 
I can't BEAR the thought of losing him NOW.

SUDDENLY and totally without warning he leaned into me.
I felt his lips grazing mine...and then? He pressed harder. I felt his tongue move between my lips and when I say that dude kissed me, FUCK, THAT DUDE KISSED ME.

HE WRAPPED HIMSELF AROUND ME LIKE WRAPPING PAPER ON A GIFT, complete with card... and he pushed his body into mine HARD, like hammering nails hard and BOY did I suddenly know that boy had one hell of a tool and sure as fuck knew how to use it...HOLY HOWDY.
WHOO!

My toes curled, my hair stood on end. My hair tingled. 
HELL EVERYTHING tingled. or tinkled or whatever...
and THAT is when I FINALLY

FUCKING
FAINTED!
Great timing eh what?
GEEZ.

He got me in a death grip 
(apropriate since I was of course), 
and kissed me...DEEP,
and I went down like the proverbial 
Rock named Titanic.

OH I DO SO HOPE THE CAMERAS 
WEREN'T ROLLING.
(THEY WERE).
SHIT!

AND SO ANOTHER DUSTYBEAR KLUTZ PATROL EPISODE HURTLES TO THE FLOOR IN A BLAZE
OF...

GOO.


CHAPTER 4 - CLICK HERE